Entertainment And Funnies - Page 7

markt4

http://www.beer.com/beer.com-Content...898596_vb.html

list of commands
# baltica
# barbie
# become a man
# bend over
# blackjack
# burzynski
# butt
# can
# canadian
# chicken
# coors
# creemore
# dance
# feel
# fellatio
# fight
# finger
# fire
# frank
# gun
# halls fruit breezers (just kidding)
# heineken
# henderson
# jedi
# jugs
# kiss
# kiss security guy
# lesbian
# maid
# poker
# pour
# rolling
# rub
# salute
# scale
# scare
# sing
# slap
# strip
# strip lisa

# strip trisha
# tetley

Daz T5

A young boy went up to his father and asked "What's the difference between potentially & realistically?"

The father ponders for a moment, then answered "Go ask your mother
if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million quid and also ask
your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million quid, then come
back and tell me what you learned."

So the boy went to his mother and asked "Mum would you sleep with Robert Redford for a million quid?"

The Mother replied "Definitely, I wouldn't pass an opportunity like that."

The boy then went to his older sister and asked "Would you sleep
with Brad Pitt for a million quid?"

The girl replied "Oh gosh, I would just love to do that, I would be nuts to pass up that opportunity."

The boy then thought about it for a few days, and went back to his father. His father asked him "Did you find the difference between
potentially & realistically?"

The boy replied "Yes, potentially we're sitting on 2 million quid,
but realistically we're living with two Slappers."

The father replied "That's my boy."

Daz T5

Count the number of 'F's in the following text:
>
>---------------------------------------------------
>FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE-
>SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIF-
>IC STUDY COMBINED WITH
>THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS
>
>
>---------------------------------------------------
>
>Managed it? Scroll down only after you
>have counted them OK!
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>How many? Three?
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>Wrong. There are six - no joke!
>Try it again before reading the
>reasoning which is further down.
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> The brain cannot process the 'F's in "OF" Incredible or what?
> Anyone who counts all six 'F's on the first go is a genius - three is
> normal, four quite rare.

Goof

http://www.spikedhumor.com/articles/...ar_Intake.html

neevo

New workplace rule causes dissent

http://www.compfused.com/directlink/1236/

Not safe for work (unless you are wearing headphones)

fraz13

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wey9--VVxAg&eurl

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=izLGykFU-Io&eurl

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=29P_WppkJEA&eurl

nobananas

NEW 1000 BHP ECU UPGRADE GIVES VOLVO FASTEST ACCELERATION EVER !

markt4

BENTLEY FORUMS
-------------------
...I used the ashtray today. How do i replace it?
-------------------

BMW 3 SERIES FORUMS
--------------------------
...Winston, why do i keep getting pulled over, i ain't stolen it yo.
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FORD FORUM
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...When's the last time yours ran?
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LAMBORGHINI FORUM
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...problem with wind noise around 210mph!
-------------------------

MX5 FORUM
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...some f***er in a Toyota Hilux just ran over my car!
------------------------

HILUX FORUM
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...bloody MX5 stuck in my undercarriage. How do i safely remove it?
-------------------------

BMW 7-SERIES FORUM
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...Where to get a service on my rolex?
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ROVER 800 FORUM
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...Problems parallel parking at bingo
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RANGEROVER FORUM
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...Is the price of petrol going down anytime soon?
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DELOREAN FORUM
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...Just got back from the future and blew a head gasket. Please help. I`m from 1985!
----------------------

HONDA ACCORD FORUM
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...Mum is giving me the car. Looking for some cheap, used 18 inch rims
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TOYOTA YARIS FORUM
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...Do our cars use AAA or AA's? Are NiMH the ones to have?
----------------------------

FERRARI FORUMS
----------------------
...Need suggestions about a buisness trip to Colombia. Want to get in and out fast.
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PORSCHE FORUMS
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...Tyre just went flat. Is it best to trade-in or sell the car myself?
----------------------

MINI FORUMS
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...Just flipped the cooper after seeing the Italian job. Suing the movie company
------------------------

DAX COBRA FORUMS
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...I frightened myself on the way home from work yesterday. How do i get wee stains out of the leather?
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MCLAREN F1 FORUMS
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...Some punk kid in an F16 tried to race me!
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HUMMER FORUMS
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...had a fender bender today. 24 hurt, 10 killed. Do i have to get black touch-up paint from the dealer? He's 25 miles away, thats £80 in diesel
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FIAT FORUMS
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...Hello? Am i the only member?
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SUBARU WRX FORUMS
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...i`m thinking blue and gold, anyone tried this combo??
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CHEVY PICKUP FORUMS
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...How do i git the dried tobacco juice stains off the side of mah truck?
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SUPRA FORUMS
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...head to big to fit in car, should have bought a targa.
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VOLVO FORUMS
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...What biker? i never saw a biker.he just came from nowhere, i didn't mean to hit him.
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AUDI TT FORUMS
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is my TT ipod compatible?
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SAAB FORUMS
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...I think i just ran over a tank...oh well.
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MEGANE COUPE FORUMS
-----------------------------
Who doesnt drive without their fogs on permanently

Martinr

A young cowboy walks into a seedy cafe in Buda, Texas. He sits at the counter and notices an old cowboy with his arms folded staring blankly at a full bowl of chili.

After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the young cowboy bravely asks the old cowpoke, "If you ain't gonna eat that, mind if I do?"

The older cowboy slowly turns his head toward the young wrangler and in his best cowboy manner says, "Nah, go ahead"

Eagerly, the young cowboy reaches over and slides the bowl over to his place and starts spooning it in with delight. He gets nearly down to the bottom and notices a dead mouse in the chili. The sight was shocking and he immediately pukes up the chili into the bowl.

The old cowboy quietly says, "Yep, that's as far as I got, too."

Martinr

An elderly couple visit McDonalds.** He orders one hamburger, one order of french fries and one drink. The old man unwraps the plain hamburger and carefully cuts it in half. He places one half in front of his wife. He then carefully counts* out the french fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placing one pile in front of his wife. He takes a sip of the drink, his wife takes a sip and then sets the cup down between them. As he begins to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them keep looking over and whispering. You could tell they were thinking, "That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them." As the man begins to eat his fries a young man comes to the table. He politely offers to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man says they are just fine - They are used to sharing everything. The surrounding people notice the little old lady hasn't eaten a bite. She sits there watching her husband eat and occasionally takes turns sipping the drink. Again the young man comes over and begs them to let him buy another meal for them. This time the old woman says "No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything." As the old man finishes and is wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again comes over to the little old lady who has yet to eat a single bite of food and asks "What is it you are waiting for?"

She answers....

* * * "THE TEETH."

fyggy2002

A bear, a lion and a chicken were discussing who was the hardest.
The bear says "When I roar, the whole forest shakes!".
The lion says "that's nothing - when I roar, the whole jungle quakes with
fear!".
The chicken looks at them both and says "Ha! I only have to cough and the
whole world sh*ts itself..."

fyggy2002

that bird flu has hit the UK

markt4

http://videos.streetfire.net/video/7...6B5175A326.htm

Mrsmopp

LOL he really loves her doesn't he!!?

x

markt4

A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a Parrot sitting on a Perch without any feet or legs.The guy says aloud, "Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this Parrot?"

The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."

"Holy crap,"the guy replies. "You actually understood and answered me!"

"I got every word," says the parrot. "I happen to be a highly intelligent, thoroughly educated bird.

"Oh yeah?" the guy asks, "Then answer this -- how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?"

"Well," the parrot says, "this is very embarrassing but since you asked, I wrap my willie around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers."

"Wow," says the guy. "You really can understand and speak English can't you?"

"Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology. You really ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion."

The guy looks at the £200 price tag. "Sorry, but I just can't afford that."

"Pssssssst," says the parrot, "I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants
me cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for £20, just make the guy an offer!"

The guy offers £20 and walks out with the parrot. Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humour, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful. The guy is delighted.

One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot goes, "psssssssssssst," and motions him over with one wing.

I don't know if should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the postman."

"What are you talking about?" asks the guy.

"When the postman delivered the mail today, your wife greeted
him at the door in a sheer black nightie and kissed him passionately."

"WHAT???" the guy asks incredulously. "THEN what happened?"

"Well, then the postman came into the house and lifted up her
nightie and began touching her all over," reported the parrot.

"Oh No!," he exclaims. "Then what?"

"Then he lifted up the nightie, got down on his knees
and began to kiss her all over, starting with her breasts
and slowly going down...."

WELL," demands the frantic guy, "THEN WHAT HAPPENED?"

"Damned if I know. I got an erection and fell off my perch! "

Engineer

www.biteycastle.com/taken.htm

T5 Ben

In Tesco while packing shopping in car,you are approached by 2 fit 18 year old girls in tiny tops.They wash your screen with tits out and asking for a lift to next town as payment.On the way they strip and "play" with each other.Then one climbs in the front and "plays" with you.The other then nicks your wallet!!.I had mine stolen last Tues & Wed,twice on Thurs,again on Sat and also yesterday.Be carefull!!!!!

Cheers

Ben

neevo

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ben 77

In Tesco while packing shopping in car,you are approached by 2 fit 18 year old girls in tiny tops.They wash your screen with tits out and asking for a lift to next town as payment.On the way they strip and "play" with each other.Then one climbs in the front and "plays" with you.The other then nicks your wallet!!.I had mine stolen last Tues & Wed,twice on Thurs,again on Sat and also yesterday.Be carefull!!!!!

Cheers

Ben

Just gone out and bought myself half a dozen wallets just in case.

pyrotechnictigger

Class

fraz13

Had 2 post this pic up, Probs seen before but it had me in fits hhaha