A tale of two Volvo estates...

[Turbodave]

Given I've finally re-entered the world of 'R' ownership, I figured it makes sense to start a wee project thread. I say 're-entered' as I had an automatic S70R a few years back followed by a rather abused 850 T5 estate before going back to my Vauxhall roots for the past couple of years. On the note, I'm a Vauxhall man at heart though have always liked Volvo's too. Probably blame early 90's BTCC for that. Along with the Volvo's, I also have a Cavalier Turbo which I've had for nearly 10 years and is undergoing a bare shell rebuild and also one of the Cavalier SRi 16v's made, which is currently residing in the garage in case it gets wet. Sad? Probably... Bothered? Not really...

So, Volvo wise... always had a soft spot for the quick stuff and always found myself browsing the classifieds, window shopping. I re-entered Volvo ownership last May after my daily driver Cavalier Turbo (another one) was written off and after several failed attempts to buy a V70R, I gave up and decided to buy an old workhorse as a stop gap. Nothing with a GM badge floated my boat so cut a long story short, I ended up buying a 1999 V70 TDi in red. Well, several shades of red with added dents which I like to think makes it cut through the air better, like a golf ball. It was also the 'Popular Plus' model... I've been in better eqipped cardboard boxes but it didn't matter, it was cheap, local and was only a temporary measure and to use for lifting, shifting and towing plus the good lady had an 2003 A4 TDi V6.



It arrived and was named Helga. It immediately threw up an issue with the ABS and after a £2.50 second hand sensor failed to sort it, I decided that really... ABS is over-rated and opted to ignore the warning light. Sorted. Many abusive miles followed with minimal fuss and it earned a special place in my heart with it's ability to drag heavy stuff, carry big stuff, return 50mpg and also provide a platform for standing on to see over things. Like walls. It also travelled the length and width of the country numerous times and never put a foot wrong and within a month, quickly replaced the Audi as the 'main' car. Probably as the Audi was utter toss.



In February this year, I decided the Audi was so toss... it was getting sold. Tears and snotters followed as the good lady, who thinks of herself as a cross between Paris Hilton and Jordan realised her tinted window'd, 18 inch wheel'd pile of German bile was going. Or perhaps it was because it left Helga on the drive... de-valuing the local house prices and upsetting our neighbours witht heir BMW's and Audi's in 'oh-so'cool' Ibis White. It was suggested it could perhaps wash the Volvo. I declined. I pandered to her whining and on a whim, flew to London and bought a Vectra GSi estate in a vain effort to return some bling to the drive.



I drove it 500 miles home, spent 2 days solid trying to sort several issues and then decided it was quite possibly the worst car ever to grace the roads and sold it 3 weeks later. There were more tears and snotters. We made do with the old red Volvo for another few months, generally abusing it so badly that it made those Indian donkeys look like pampered pets and it still refused to give up. Annoyingly I had to spend £7 on a track rod end and had to put four tyres on it. I even had to replace the filters. Bah! With the warmer weather here and the need for two cars increasing, I re-taxed the Cavalier SRi and drafted it into highday and holiday service.



That arrangement lasted for a few weeks then the Cavalier decided it wanted to do it's best Puff the magic Dragon routine and started blowing blue smoke on start up and generally not driving that well. I decided the engine had seen better days and opted to reitre back to the garage whilst plotting it's future. Turbo power makes sense in my head. Along with that, the red Volvo had been on fleet for 12 months and a slightly scary 30,000 miles and was due an Mot... given my total neglect and the fact in 30,000 miles I'd spent a total of £28 on repairs, yes... £28... I decided it was going to fail miserably and thus, started looking for a replacement.

Having looked at R's on and off for ages and explored several possibilities and hit several brick walls, I lost heart and started looking at the alternatives plus she seemed adament that there would be a divorce on the cards should I buy another Volvo once the red one had gone to the scrapyard in the sky. So, keen to keep the peace I went off and bought this...



... and then really upset her buy sticking the red one in for a pre-Mot and getting a rather insignificant list back. A sidelight bulb, rear number plate bulb, two ABS rings, adjust the handbrake and a balljoint. I wept. She meanwhile grabbed the kids, packed her suitcase and threatened to leave if there were two Volvo's on the drive. So, two Volvo's on the drive and a double bed to myself... I set to work on the new one.

So far, it seems to be a good one. A 1997 855R Auto in Olive Green with 140,000k and a couple of owners. Last year it had extensive works with all the suspension being replaced, water pump, cambelt, tyres, wheels redone and then the chaps father used it for a year and racked up 1,600 miles. Being rather surplus to requirements, it was put up for sale with a fresh Mot and well, here we are. Since arriving it's done minimal miles as the red Volvo remains the main car which gave me a chance to get the R sorted out. 3 days cleaning and machine polishing, a thermostat, one track rod end (it was advised at the Mot) and that's about it so far.



The red one meanwhile, it retaliated by throwing a hissy fit and seizing its auxiliary fan belt pulley. Faced with the prospect of a £180 repair bill, which is totally unacceptable given the fact I refuse to spend more than a tenner fixing this thing... I went off to explore other options. Ie, how could I bodge it. Simple... one BMW Z3 pulley later and it was back on the road. Total cost £11.50. Dammit.



R wise... I cleaned removed and cleaned the edges of the indicators along with all the door shut lines, removed the rear lights and cleaned under there and generally got all OCD whilst also getting serious sunburn. I added clear repeaters, removed the dog gaurd as it seems you're not allowd to leave the kids in there whilst you nip to Tesco and finally popped over to see Yosser who kindly read my fault codes and cleared my lambda light after it came on. Disconnecting the ECT loom with the car running probably had something to do with that. My bad.



And so that's where I'm up to with the fleet. The red one's Mot expires on the 31st so I really should disappear up the workshop and start fixing it plus I need to see my local paint throwing expert about sorting the o/s/f wing on the R and also make a wee list of things I need to do to make it as mint as possible. Brakes stripped, cleaned and painted is the next step once the red one is sorted and legal for another year of abuse.



Oh and she came back. Still hates them both... I'll win her round. Maybe.

Cheers

[Jamest5r]

Quality pmsl

[M-R-P]

Haha, a happy ending lol

[Kerry_T-5R]

Nice R!

[Dangerous Dave]

Love it, great story buddy

[t5steve]

ha ha ..........made me smile

[T5frankie]

lol

[T5RPete]

Fantastic story there and a good lookin R too!

[Porcine_Aviator]

Oooo R Nice one.

[V70 Graham]

Looking forward to updates

[vaderboyo]

this post made me laugh a lot....

why do wifes have such big problem with older volvos

[LiamT4]

this post made me laugh a lot....

why do wifes have such big problem with older volvos

I'm lucky there, my mrs loved both my last volvos and was sad when i finally decided to sell my S70R.

[Turbodave]

Cheers chaps...

As for the other half, I had a rather bling and silly quick Astra GSi Turbo when I met her and she had an Audi A4 V6 on gangsta wheels (she's bit of a chav at heart...) so going from them to 15 year old diesel Volvo with mismatched panels, numerous scars and an interior styled by the man who did Colditz... wasn't really her idea of of a suitable mode of transport. Kinda ironic really given she has zero regard for keeping cars clean and tends to drive using the well known braille technique, hence all four wheels are ruined and the front and rear bumpers have seen more action than a 1960 C-15 transport plane.

She's warming to the R... at least it's all the same colour and void of dents (for now) but she's still maintains it's an old mans car with all the street cred of an Umbro shell suit. Needless to say she rarely drives it though the old diesel's Mot has now expired so she has no choice. Maybe if it was pink with 22" chrome wheels and had leopard skin interior and some diamonte detailing plus more cubby holes for her GHD's and colour coded i-phone?

Anyways, zero progress... with both, so best away and start weilding the spanner.

Cheers

[Yosser]

Nice write up, and nice R too

[martybelfastt5]

quality read......love the R too

[Turbodave]

Had an rolling road event with one of the Vauxhall clubs yesterday so put the Volvo on at the end with limited joy. Couldn't a 'clean' run as it was either kicking down or simply not producing enough boost when the power was fed in gradually and thus, wasn't hitting overboost etc. They did manage to get a couple of scrappy runs out of it and it recorded 233bhp and then 266bhp. And exploded a CV gaitor in the process.



On the plus side, fuelling and AFR is spot on and the holding boost perfectly.

Sorted

[Turbodave]

Great success!

Wheel off and discovered the exploded CV gaitor was actually a small hole in the crease of the boot. Given the diesel is currently dead in the water, quick repair was needed with what ever was available to hand...

1 x box of cotton buds
1 x packet of Sally Services make up removal pads
1 x bottle of nail varnish remover
1 x tube of false nail glue
1 x tube of clear instant gasket

Yes, you're probably all double face palming as we speak but frankly my dears, I don't give a damn! Cleaned the offending area with aforementioned nail varnish remover and cotton pads then cleaned the 'hole' with cotton buds. Drop of glue followed by another and another, let it dry then a smear of instant gasket. Cleaned the grease and went for a drive. No more grease... granted probably because it's all over the dyno, my wheel and the inner arch liner but hey. Will do a 'proper' repair when time allows but this week time does not allow.

[Dangerous Dave]

LOL, love it. Have done that before, brand new cv gaitor put on and the bloody clamp cut the boot a bit so I bunged some superglue in it.

[Rhys]

Brilliant read, thankfully my other half loves the Volvos - kids prefer the green one (which is SORN'd) but love the sound of the black one..

I remember my dad having an old Cavalier 1600 GLS Sports hatch (manta shape), that was a lovely car (classy bronzy goldy colour with beige interior).

Looking forward to updates

[Turbodave]

Cheers chaps

Having a bit of an issues with them both as we speak. The red one which has been utterly reliable over the past year is sat without an Mot and I've just declared it sorn. That's my fault, too many things on the go so didn't sort what it needed for it's test in time. Just awaiting a lower arm to arrive (bloody jubilee!) and then hope cleaning the ABS rings and popping a new sensor one cures it's ABS fault. If so, Mot test then retax it. If not, more diagnostics/swearing needed.

The green one has been fine aside for the CV gaitor but it needs some attention this week. Brakes stripped, cleaned and adjusted and an oil flush and change before it's off to Northampton on Saturday then over to Birmingham and then back north. Wasn't my plan to take it but due to laziness/work commitments, the red one is out of service for the time being which I'm rather annoyed at myself about. According to the internetz, the trip will cost me an extra £55 over the diesel.

Not the end of the world, plus working aircon could be a bonus. Roadtrip!